Mama's Dilemna

Well, there's going to be no pictures on this, just some much needed, heartfelt venting...

On Friday afternoon, Sept. 26th, my principal called me in to have a meeting. The long and the short of it is this...

They hired me in August to be 2/3 multiage elementary teacher at the public charter school with a focus on science and technology. This meant that instead of having a chunk of time during the day to teach science I would have to attempt to infuse scientific concepts throughout the day. Instead of teaching science isolate, i would have to read and write about science. I THOUGHT I was doing a really good job of this. My class writes in their science journals every day, instead of writing a journal entry about a teddy bear, they write about the life cycle of a butterfly, they sing about weather, they read non-fiction text about erosion, blah blah blah, you get the idea.

The district has also made it clear that as a district we would be focusing on a concept/plan called PLC which stands for Professional Leadership Community or something. It's basically a paradigm shift to look at your colleagues as team members and become vulnerable with each other and really collaborate. Fill in for each other's strengths and weaknesses, give advice, etc. I also THOUGHT I was doing a good job with this.

Well, apparently not. My two colleagues that are part of my PLC team have been apparently complaining to my principal that I was coming to them too much for help. Well, I'm new and they have a year of the charter school under their belt. My principal literally told me that I needed to do everything by myself, take some ownership, and "step up my game". Exact quote. She told me to try to next week to not go to them for anything. Completely goes against everything that PLC stands for.

She also told me that I need to come in earlier and stay later (legally, I'm NOT required to do that). That I need to create my own curriculum. That I need to bring more ideas to the table and share what I'm doing with my team (which is ironic since I'm not allowed to ask them to give me ideas), and that since I'm new and the charter school is still new (and some people don't like it) that I'm constantly under scrutiny and under a microscope, so I need to let those facts guide my actions. Apparently the charter school starting in this community was very political and emotional for many community members since it was something "new" and they didn't necessarily agree with it. So the parents TALK and apparently I have to cater to this.

This goes DIRECTLY against my whole teaching philosophy of doing what's best for kids. I am being told to cater my every move so that my colleagues, and parents are happy and from the outside it looks like I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing.

What also makes me mad is that the two teachers on my team went to the principal without saying a SINGLE word to me. Should my principal have said, if you have a question for Jenn about how she is teaching, when she is leaving, or planning, or whatever, please go talk to her about it. Then, if nothing happens, the principal should step in and get involved.

It was so bad. I cried my eyes out all the way home. Working was a choice for me this year. I am sacrificing time with my child to do this job, and it simply is turning out to NOT be worth it. I am seriously considering terminating my contract. I know that it would leave the school in a lurch, and it would be SUPER awkward the days that I'm working until I leave, people would talk, but I just don't feel it's the place for me. No collaboration, under scrutiny and pressure at all times, hiding in my room with no one to go to, plus to boot, I'm missing out on my daughter's life for a grade level and a school that I am not passionate about. This is something that will be weighing on my heart, and I could really use your thoughts and prayers about what steps to take if any. I don't know what to do. I could stick it out until mid February when I leave for maternity leave, but every second that I have to be there seems like an eternity. I already wasn't loving it, and this just made it a million times worse. I will be praying and thinking a lot this coming week and weekend. If anyone has any comments or advice feel free to email me at shejen81@hotmail.com thanks-

Jenn

PS The pregnancy is going fine--we find out the sex of the baby on October 14th!